Welcome to Wonky-ebooks.com

(All photography by Fwanksy)

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There are those who moan about ebooks, or more to the point ‘e readers’
“I like the feel of a book, I don’t like these e reader things!”
Well, Frankie says Well, sod them! I like the feel of my dick but I wouldn’t mind an e version, just imagine what I could do in Paintshop, or re-sizing. And an e woman (she would have an on off switch!)
‘Who wrote that?! It wasn’t me! F!’

We at Wonky eBooks don’t harm trees, but we do use them, just like we use our children (we sell ‘them’), trees we can use electronically to bring pleasure to the viewer ... eTrees.

... eLeaves.

& eSeeds


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To good homes only

100% LEGAL

Very reasonable prices


Before the Police and Social Services come a calling (wondering where their shared 10% is), here’s what we mean by ‘we sell children’; it’s all very innocent.
If we’re at say an art exhibition, by invite only, and a beautiful woman slyly makes her way to our favourite storyteller Frankie’s side and says “Hey cutie pops, what do you do?” ... He replies “I’m a writer, I tell stories.”  She was expecting ‘Lawyer, Consultant Neurologist, or at least Tornado Pilot or Fireman (at an extreme push Production Line Worker). She about turns and exits present company so quickly she leaves skid marks and burns the carpet. In short, a writer like Frankie (whose middle name is rejection) will never have his own children ... sob! Good God! Put the tissues away! All is not lost. His stories ‘are’ his children and so, he can sell them and pull in a fortune. So bollocks to annoying bio kids, the little shits are a pain in the arse anyway. Three cheers to a life of wine, song and sea salt and cracked black pepper crisps. Oh yes, and bollocks to benches too. Sorry, meant wenches, although benches do hurt your backside.

Therefore, this site is a Maternity Complex with a Delivery Room for any new children and a Nursery where the customer (Friend of Wonky eBooks) can choose a read and maybe receive some amusement. Have a nice visit and then a nice day.


Vivaldi's Gate

To The Book shop (remember the link's here)

Hang on ... 'BOOK SHOP'!?

We will have you know that this web page where all the choices you have ever made have led you to, is nothing as common as an everyday ‘book shop’. If it’s a book shop you want, there are millions out there, just make another choice and have a nice browse elsewhere.
THIS  beautiful place is nothing less than the Wonky eBooks Maternity Complex which includes the Delivery Room, the only place on this beautiful earth where cutie-pie little books are given birth from the mind of our author, the proud father of many amusing bundles.
Please enjoy our site and appreciate our e children as much as we do.
Have a fabulous day/evening.

Sorry, but it's the nearest we've got to a stork

The Wonky e-bookshop website as you now know is our e-publishing delivery room where we sob and worry as we let our babies out into the world (Just like YOU sobbed and worried).


The next eight inches of scroll (appx) may amuse you (that's the plan) before you hit the Maternity Complex link.


Foster one of our amusing book-children, very reasonably priced - taking into account all the amusement you’ll hopefully get AND ... you won’t have to change one nappy.
Mind you, if you live in the middle ages in your mind and you’re a tight fisted badstar and you think you can buy some of our kids and turn a profit by hiring them out to chimney sweep's mates, let us tell you, eBooks make lousy chimney sweep's assistants, even if you stick them on the end of a flu brush, which you can’t, because they’re digital electronics ... just like all of that money in your bank account, it’s not real and all the bank has to do is click the right switch (nearly said wrong there)... and you’re broke.

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Let's hang for a little while in ...


Alternative sides of life, some through digital imagery.




The Government are raising your pension qualifying age again so you hopefully croak before you get it. Here's how to fool them almost legally and get it; and then blow it (then you can then die with a smile on your face, a job well done). When you enter Heaven all your relatives and friends will say 'what are YOU looking so happy about?'. You'll reply "I think I'll go back and do that again, it was fun! (you therefore BEAT the Government!) Where's the reincarnation office? .... And, as life is eternal, you can beat them over and over again. What not to grumble to yourself loud enough for others to hear in eternity in a Post Office queue at dinnertime "Hurry up! I haven't got all day!" ... or "Look at the length of this eternal queue! And they have ONE person on!"

Life's a bitch and then they won't give you your pension.

The image below is a memory. Next, you'll have to have the Queen's letter before you can have a bus pass.

Click on the image above


Click on the image above


The WONKY BOOKS World News




The National Newspaper 'John Pal V Frankie Lassut Who is Cutest Contest.

This competition sprouted from our book

'The Smaller Conspiracy'.

Just who is the cutest?

Is it ...

John the wealthy 'academic' who is no stranger to truffles and Michel Roux prepared artichoke hearts grilled with oysters, or Frankie the 'working class man' Scraping a living from the parched earth?

Cutie contest


Contact us


eSeed 1

The Sycamore Tadpole


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